Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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