Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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A seal walks into a club...
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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