Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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