Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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