Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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