Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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