Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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