Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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