Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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