Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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