Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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