Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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