Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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