Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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