Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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