Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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