Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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