Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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