Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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