Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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