Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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