Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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