Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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