Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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