Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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