Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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