Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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