Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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