Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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