Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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