Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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