Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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