Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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