Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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