Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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