Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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