Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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