Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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