Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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