Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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