You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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