You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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