You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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