What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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