I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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