How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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