How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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