Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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