Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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