Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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