How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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