When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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