Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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