A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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