What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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