What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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