Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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