Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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