How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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