What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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