What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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