What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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