What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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