Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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