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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI
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What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A silicon.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
C over lambda.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.
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Old chemists never die,
they just stop reacting.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
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