What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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