If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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