What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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