Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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