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What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?
H2O.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
He got Avogadro's number!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Old chemists never die,
they just stop reacting.
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