Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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