How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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