How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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