Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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