My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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