My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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