What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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