What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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