They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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