A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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