How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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