And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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