What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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