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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
Senator.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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