What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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