What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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