How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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