What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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