How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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