What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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