What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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