Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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