What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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