How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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