Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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