What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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