What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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