What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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