What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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