How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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