What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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