How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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