What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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