What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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