What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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