What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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