What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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