How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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