What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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