What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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