How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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