How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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