What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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