What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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