Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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