Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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