Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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