Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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