What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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