Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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