What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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