What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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