What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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