Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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