Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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