A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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