Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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