H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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