What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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