A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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