Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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