Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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