Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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