When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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