Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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