Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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