What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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