How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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